I’m pissed I ever stopped…you’ll be able to tell in my writing. But the payoff is worth it.
As kids we’re told to put all of our work on paper, to spell it out, to journal, to have study buddies, to count on your fingers.
…and socially, as soon as we put out our first verbal first draft, it’s torn apart.
It’s made wrong. We learn very quickly to shut up and stop doing first drafts.
You gotta be a perfectionist.
Teaching us that it’s only safe to be a perfect perfectionist. It’s gotta perfect the first time, or it’s not acceptable.
It’s either, “Be in the game and never make a mistake, or don’t enter the game.”
I’m removing myself from the game of socially acceptable, by playing my own game with only people who want to play.
To process externally and for that to be acceptable.
For me to not have my “final answer” until I say: “that is my final answer”. “I’ve just been working it out till now”….not to be used as an excuse, but purely for me to decide for MYSELF when I’m just figuring something out, and sussing out all my feelings and facts I can know in a moment, vs. my final “certain, just at this moment” answer.
If I don’t process out loud, (at least up until now): then my brain is not actively “working” at all.
I choose to process.
-To examine my world out loud.
-To count on my fingers.
-To say: can I speak something out with you?
We connect. You know me better. It may open a line of thinking for you. We connect. We hug. We kiss. It’s great!
MY PROCESS = OUR CONNECTION